Curtis Klingle

I will begin with the declaration there is nothing that makes me prouder or brings more earthly joy than my children. I have three of them, plus one. I state it that way because my “plus one” is an acquisition. In order of eldest to youngest, there is my daughter Stacy, my son Zach, my daughter Megan, and my plus one, being my daughter Laura. Through these children I have six grandchildren, who I love dearly.

I could actually state that I have innumerable plus ones, a plethora of “plus ones.” As I have aged, I have gained many “adopted” children and grandchildren. I believe this is an accurate measure of a man’s life as well, by the number of those that love him, and the weight of the love. As I reflect on this, I find my heart is full and I have been blessed beyond measure. God’s graciousness and goodness towards me baffles me. He continues to pour out His love upon me after a lifetime of rebellion. It is almost as if He loves me, that He in fact, gave Himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

I grew up in the coastal plains of Texas which consists of the flattest ground in all of the great State. It is heavy ground that when wet, sticks to everything and is about as scenic and inspirational as an old mop. But what it lacked in visual aesthetics, it certainly made up for in colorful personalities. Our community was firmly rooted in agriculture and the main crops were: cotton, corn, milo, rice, and cattle; lots of cattle. I worked those fields as a young man sometimes on a tractor and sometimes on horseback. I held additional jobs including a tire repair shop, and as a wireline hand in the oilfield prior to entering the Army. I met some of the finest people I’ve encountered in this life while working for Uncle Sam (Dennis “Andy” Anderson, that is a shout out to you my brother). At the completion of three years of service and reentry into the civilian world I discovered that there was not much of a call for a fella that jumps out of airplanes and takes long walks. My interest in the world of law enforcement began a couple of years later and with the encouragement of a dear friend and mentor, Jeptha Fain, I began pursuing a career in that profession.

I graduated from the police academy in 1988. It seemed my role in agriculture was not quite over yet though, and I managed an experimental vineyard while I worked part time as a peace officer for several years. My main interests in my career as a law enforcement officer (LEO) were primarily in the realm of forensics, and I pursued that line of police work in earnest. I performed the role of crime scene investigator in many homicide investigations as well as other major crimes. I eventually even taught courses of instruction in crime scene investigation, UV/IR Photography, and fingerprint analysis. I testified as an expert witness in numerous criminal
proceedings in the region.

Throughout my life I have always had an interest in the things of God. However, my pursuit of Him was inconsistent and did not yield much fruit. I always prayed for a “Damascus Road” experience, but never received it. My spiritual journey was and is like the majority of human beings, slow and arduous, and with gradual transformation. Also, I have never learned a thing from another person’s mistakes, and that is why I tell folks all the time, I am the guy that has to pee on the electric fence.

My Christian life has been greatly influenced by the writing of Clive Staples Lewis, G.K.
Chesterton, Henry Drummond, Philip Yancy, and a host of others. Thankfully, I have had many advisors along the way, but for the most part, my walk has been solo. I think this is something of a flaw within me; I have never had difficulty in making friends, but true intimate friendships have eluded me as a rule. However, I have fortunately had a few, and quite possibly the majority of my growth has been because of the interaction with these others, those rare beings, those special creations that God has placed in my path: A.P., Joel, Jamie, Loyd, Deidra, and Ms.
Mercy, to all of you, and a myriad of chance encounters, I am forever indebted. But especially to that little wheelchair bound girl named Missy, whose influence affects me to this day. Love is what that little girl exuded, and I am eternally grateful to have known her.

I began academic studies in theology in 2002 and I went on my first tour as a missionary a couple of years later to the countries of Rwanda and Burundi. I fell in love with the peoples of both countries. The team I went with was led by Wayne Stone, who was quite possibly the godliest man I have ever met in this life. I continued on to bible college and graduated summa cum laude in 2007. During that year I took a pilgrimage to Israel, and also assisted Wayne again with a return to Rwanda and Burundi.

You must understand, even with all of this “spiritual” stuff happening I was still very much in the midst of something akin to a war of attrition with myself, and an open one with the forces of the enemy. I do not care to go into it here, but let it suffice to say that even with the intermittent interludes of happiness, and the outward appearance of a steadfast walk with Jesus, I was still erratic in behavior, untrustworthy in relationships, and actually despondent.

I lost a wife along the way due to my actions and mine alone. I remarried and soon recognized that this new relationship was quite possibly the worst mistake of my life. But little did I know, it was this tainted relationship that inevitably would lead me into intimacy with Him. Nearly a year from diagnosis to completion of chemotherapy I watched as this woman I both loved and had grown to hate, suffer the horrors of cancer. Even now, as I pen these words my eyes fill with tears. There really are somethings we never heal from in this life. I did try to alleviate her sufferings by answering affirmatively to her every whim, even if the request was illogical or
threatened to put us in financial straits, I would eventually acquiesce. On and on this went, day in and day out.

I have to believe, because I have been through it, that the caretaker of a cancer victim suffers far more than the victim themself. You may not be the one who is weakened by the disease or the one puking into the toilet, but you are right there with them through it all; the emotional toll is devastating. You watch helplessly as their body deteriorates. You take the brunt of every bout with frustration or anger. You are a witness to the changes that take place in their mind, but in actuality, these changes are only the manifestation of their ever-present thoughts. Whether the thoughts be benevolent or malevolent they come to the forefront, only now they are exacerbated
by the drugs that are killing the cancer while simultaneously poisoning them. The caretaker often stands on the precipice leading to insanity. You have no idea what to do, how to ease the suffering, you stand impotent before the onslaught of the bellicose invader.

Long story short, she was healed, miraculously I might add. She was brought before the elders of our church and prayed over. The healing began immediately and subsequent medical tests actually showed it. It was a true miracle. She carried on with the chemotherapy as our relationship continued to deteriorate. In the end, she was completely healed and cancer free, and as I tell others, she also became “Curtis” free. I take full responsibility for yet another failed marriage, and I can do so without any sense of martyrdom. I did not love; I mean real agape love, and without it, all intimate relationships will be destroyed.

It was during the fight with cancer that I began doing updates for those that were following her story. It was in these updates that I discovered this “gift” of writing. It has been in writing that I have been able to work through my sporadic and melancholy faith, and also help others along the way. I have come to know Him and truly love Him. That is why my entire paradigm has changed and my focus is on Him. Once you grasp who He is and what He has done, then life begins.

As C.S. Lewis said, “Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you
will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.” Mere Christianity

I can say with all sincerity that John 14:21 is now a reality in my life. He continues to show me Himself, and I am assured that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I continue in my journey with pen and paper in hand and a heart opened to Him. It is my hope above all hopes that He is brought glory, and someone else is helped through my writings.

C. Klingle