Curtis Klingle

I primarily listen to old songs of any genre really except for jazz. Listening to jazz is stupid and pointless and hurts my ears. I equate listening to it to having a #2 pencil shoved in my ear canal as the effects are similar: pain, piercing pain. I apologize for the digression. As I was saying, I listen to older music, mostly old country or rock and roll, but let’s be honest, 20 minutes or so of old country music makes suck starting a pistol sound appealing. You can only take so much. Again, I apologize for the digression. Anyway, when I need a break from the older music, I find myself listening to classical these days because, well, modern music seems to all sound the same and the singers are about as charismatic as old Benny Hin re-runs, in other words, they have lots of flash, but are devoid of any heart; kind of like rap music, which I abhor by the way. Please refer to digression #1, this being digression #3.

When enjoying the lyrics of some of the older songs, I often ask myself, “What if it had been written differently, would it have been as popular?” It is in this vein of thought that I introduce my very own version of, “Name That Tune,” which I have affectionately titled,

“Name That Re-Written and Quite Possibly Forever Ruined Tune.”

Name it…

“I was experiencing severe inebriation as a result of consuming fermented and subsequently distilled grains in excess the day my materfamilias was released from a penal facility

Upon notification of her release from the correctional institution, I proceeded to collect her during heavy precipitation

However, prior to arrival at the depot in my internal combustion powered diminutive lorry

She became the victim of vehicular manslaughter”

C. Klingle