I believe most would agree, that up until the last 30 years or so, we human beings were generally more compassionate, or at least more tactful when dealing with our fellow man. Even so, most of us are still careful to shield an adversary from our true feelings and opinions in hopes of possibly reconciling an issue, rather than exacerbating it. However, there are those among us who are flippant and appear to have little regard for the effect that their words may have on someone else. But this is really only the thinnest of veneers. Upon closer examination, what we find is that these people only put on a display of disregard, a façade of indifference. To the contrary, they do indeed care how the other person is made to feel, in fact, they may even be deemed hypersensitive to the person’s reaction. There is a malicious desire that an effect be elicited, I should say, incited, and it is sought out with insatiable hunger. What we see is they have cast aside manners and tact and replaced them with raw emotion and vehement attacks upon those who merely have a differing opinion or a dissimilar interest in a given topic. Not only that, hidden within these messages is a latent plea for the likeminded to step into the foray and unleash their own torrents of hate and discontent. At no other time in history has misanthropy been more pronounced than in the days in which we live. This is troubling to me. After all, one of the things that makes us men rather than base like the animals, is our wits. Our ability to reason and apply logic to a problem rather than allowing our emotions to rule over us separates us from the beasts.
This behavior, formerly an anomaly, has now become commonplace, and it is nowhere more apparent than within the interesting construct of the internet, specifically, social media. While the internet has enabled us to communicate with relatives, friends, and the rest of the world in seconds, it has also come with some negatives. The main problems I see are the freedoms associated with the internet’s innate anonymity and the ability to instantaneously respond. With the former there is little to no accountability and in the latter, there is no cool down period, or moment of reflection. We prideful creatures are much more likely to let our tongues wag and exude their venom if we believe there to be no repercussions. If there is no expected reckoning, then we may indeed break free of the chains of self-restraint and unleash a fusillade of fury.
Prior to the internet, textual communication typically took the form of a handwritten letter. In the act of writing, more areas of the brain are engaged, whereas in typing there is primarily a reliance upon motor skills. The depth of thought required in handwriting has waned as we have shifted more towards typing. In addition, in written correspondence rather than simply clicking the “send” button, one must place the letter in an envelope, seal it, and then deposit it in the mail. Each of these steps requires thought and has the potential to open the door to reflection. While one may still send some callous retort, there is time in those intervening moments to think about whether it is really within one’s purview to act as grand arbiter of moral correction or justice. That time of reflection inherent in written correspondence is severely diminished on the web.
In sum, I believe it is this greater level of anonymity with the ability to send an unfiltered lightning-fast response, and of course the other contributing factors such as the decline in accepted morals and mores that has led to a devolution of our species. A fork in the evolutionary chain has appeared, and an abomination has been birthed. While God created man, man himself has created this new thing.
Our genus, “Homo,” is Latin for, “man.” Our species, “Sapiens,” means “wise.” I can attest with all certainty, that there is nothing “wise” about the “New Man” that has entered the scene via this devolutionary bifurcation. I introduce to you, “Homo Troglodytam.”
The taxonomical designation of this new species, “Troglodytam,” has been aptly ascribed. In Latin, “Troglodytam” means, “troll.” Take a moment and think about your fairy tales and how the Troglodytam, or trolls are described in them. This creature was either very large or very small, and he was typically ugly and foul. He was always unkind and often used deception as a means to manipulate and harm others. He was evil on par with ogres, vampires, and other monsters. He was a caricature of extremes, an aberration of man. In addition to this old-world description, there is also a modern definition of “troll” which is applicable. This new troll is defined as, “a person who intentionally antagonizes others online by posting inflammatory, irrelevant, or offensive comments or other disruptive content.”[i]
Troglodytam shares the attributes of the troll of yesteryear, and the more modern version as well. He is the generator of the majority of misanthropic messages we receive or read about. The medium of social media allows him the freedom to spew forth his sentiments of disdain with great anonymity. He thrives on inflicting pain. It doesn’t matter whether the topic of conversation is politics or the plight of homeless children, he will offer his two cents laced with hate to all who can read. Like the troll of our fairy tales, he too secrets himself under metaphorical bridges. Virtually any social media thread will inevitably bear witness to a hidden Troglodytam springing forth. He appears with no warning, teeth bared, and ready to sink his sharpened claws into his unwary victims. I can imagine him now, filthy and warty green skin, odiferous, with foulness emitting from every pore. He is not drawn to any specific type of prey and will unleash a torrent of hatefulness upon any poor soul who is foolish enough to stir the internet’s waters. His putrid commentary is vomited upon posts ranging from a photograph of innocents in a war-torn land, to a discussion on the creation of the universe; it doesn’t matter, he indiscriminately abuses all. Oh, and if you seek a more intimate taste of his disdain, just step into the realm of politics, or any news with an ethnic undertone. There will be bloodshed. The Troglodytam is always on the prowl and his acerbic commentary is freely dispensed. I try to imagine the level of hatred he holds for his fellow man, but it is beyond me. Think of the state of travail within his soul; oh, how dark it must be. Where once a heart rested, there is nought but the vacuous space of hate.
Now enter the greater tragedy. We have all seen those times when some of our Homo Sapiens brethren have joined the frenzy created by Troglodytam, or quite possibly we ourselves have entered the madness along with the marauders. Troglodytam is gifted at manipulating and enticing. We have witnessed, or maybe even experienced this transmogrification. To observe another man changed into Troglodytam is a horror, but to find yourself having been transformed is to stand on the edge of the precipice to the Abyss. The delirium in this process reminds me of a fisherman pouring chunks of meat, guts, and blood into the water to draw (chumming) the sharks. When the “blood” hits their noses a state of dementedness takes them in its grasp. They greedily bite and tear with their razor-sharp teeth, feeding upon the refuse that has been thrown into the water. And like the shark, the more “blood” that enters his environs, the more Troglodytam’s progeny seems to proliferate out of thin air. More and more enter the frenzy. It is as if some perverted transcendental copulation takes place between Homo Troglodytam and Homo Sapiens resulting in this plethora of hateful hybrids.
Though his compassion and self-restraint may be lacking, Troglodytam makes up for this sparseness in his ubiquitous pride. He basks in his hubris after inciting yet another feeding frenzy upon some innocent soul. His “knowledge” is his power, and like the ancient troll, he is adept at manipulation. His knowledge comes from an indolent “gleaning” of the internet’s threshing floor. He is in constant attendance of the great lyceums of YouTube, Facebook, Ticktock, Instagram, and the likes. Hours upon hours have been spent at the feet of the great and all-knowing Talking Heads of Emptiness found on MSNBC, CCN, The View, and a host of others. He has immersed himself in the mind of that grand dispenser of enlightenment, let us all hale The Podcaster. What is more, the countless hours spent in the alternate universes of Video Games have gifted him with exceptional comprehension and communication skills. Like a reclusive monk, Troglodytam has hidden himself away and become one with his religion of hate, and worship of himself. This place of seclusion has become his fortress. By resigning himself to, his “Mother’s Basement,” Troglodytam has accomplished this great expansion of his mind. In his omniscience, he has assumed his place as tyrannical adjudicator and dispenses correction to all who would differ with him. From these ramparts he waves his cat O’ nine tails via his keyboard and lashes out against all who would oppose him. He aspires to disrupt, to cause dissent, to create a conduit of hate. He desires to infect all with his disease of malfeasance. He casts a deluge of hatefulness and emotion, devoid of empathy or compassion to cascade across the canvas of social media for all to see. The Troglodytam stands victoriously on his mount of filth, the conqueror looking over his kingdom of discontent.
As I ponder this new man, I see that we should all be held accountable for allowing him to enter our world. I must admit that I too am responsible for his existence. I have read more than one post written by Troglodytam which I found to be witty, even though it was befouled with a hurtful message to the recipient. I shamefully query, “What does that say about my spiritual status if it elicited laughter from me?” I think this is exactly the reason why Troglodytam has been able to propagate in such large numbers and has done so at an exponential rate. We have not only allowed this perversion to exist, but we have also encouraged him. We have embraced his hatefulness and contempt which was only thinly veiled in diaphanous sarcasm. We could see the filth that lay underneath, but yet we invited him in. Yes, we are to be found guilty and must answer for our crimes of commission as well as omission. But it is also high time that Troglodytam be held accountable too. There is an accounting which must be made for his pernicious rants and blatant maligning of his fellow man. No more will he be allowed to burgeon.
Formerly, Troglodytam was so hidden that it was almost impossible to locate him. It was through this hiddenness and unreachability that Troglodytam was able to flourish and wage his malicious war from the safety of his computer screen. Times have changed though and the ability to locate these aberrations is now possible. Fortunately, laws have been enacted and the technologies and resources necessary to enforce those laws have been developed.
Troglodytam, just like us, either consciously or unconsciously leaves behind a digital footprint while on the internet. Each website visited and our actions on those sites leave an impression, and in many instances, those websites leave a part of themselves on our computers, phones, or other electronics. The website recognizes this “part” of itself and welcomes you back with each return. Each mouse click made is being recorded, even your phone, like an unwelcome eavesdropper is listening to your conversations and running searches to address your questions and concerns in the background. It is all a bit spooky to me. Quite simply, it is this digital footprint which enables us to track Troglodytam down. There is oh so much more to the process mind you, but it is in a nutshell, the path to identifying him.
The most common advice you will find for fighting Troglodytam is, well, don’t. You are not going to win any argument with him. All available internet advice boils down to, “Don’t feed the troll.” If he appears in a social media thread, just ignore him. Studies have shown that internet trolls are more often than not, psychotic and sadistic; they lack empathy and compassion and in fact, take great pleasure in causing others pain. By engaging them, you really are feeding their already overly inflated egos, so don’t. Even as tantalizing as it is to fantasize about giving Troglodytam a “what for” it ain’t going to happen. So, just don’t.
I must admit that I do still entertain the thought of taking him behind the woodshed and giving him a bit of tutelage. I can envision the creation of various implements of correction designed for Troglodytam, and oh, I can be quite imaginative. Think back of the days when Troglodytam’s forefather, the original troll was roaming the dark places within the minds of men. It was during this time that man’s cruelty and craftsmanship began to mesh exceptionally well and produced a myriad of devices used to inflict pain and suffering: the rack, the iron maiden, the pear of suffering, drawing and quartering, and the list goes on and on. While it is somewhat rewarding, at least initially, to entertain these thoughts, they always end in feelings of guilt, as they should, that is, if you are not psychotic or a sadist. No matter how much I might want to exact justice upon Troglodytam, this is not the way.
I believe we must go beyond seeking justice and or retribution. I think a much more effective measure would be correction via education, or reeducation depending upon Troglodytam’s state of depravity. Real correction is a more immersive and strenuous process and is very effective in creating permanent change. All would agree that he needs to be schooled in proper manners and courtesy to such a degree that he will be more mindful of his actions and will not so readily spread his mephitic contempt. What I conceive is something of a charm school/boot camp combination specifically created for Troglodytam (though we may open it up to scammers and telemarketers in the near future). This is by far my favorite imagining because it is, well, up close and personal. I find that I would very much like to take an active role in its implementation.
I envision the creation of two individual teams, with support personnel of course. The first team would employ those adept in computer programming, hacking, and tracking the afore mentioned digital footprint. The folks in Team #1 would be the modern version of a scouting unit and would scour social media sites in search of Troglodytam’s leavings. These scouts, like those throughout history, would be highly skilled in the observation of “trail sign.” They would search out Troglodytam’s haunts for the bent blade of digital grass, broken twigs, heel prints, a scuff in the soil, all those things that the untrained eye might miss.
The second part of the team would be the field guys, the apprehension unit, and of course, this would be where I would want a position. I can imagine this team being made up of rather large and surly men who are not queasy about acts of violence, and these men are ready to perform said acts at a moment’s notice.
Once Team #1 has located Troglodytam, Team #2 will go into action. Not a moment will be wasted as Team #2 is rapidly deployed to Troglodytam’s location. Imagine these men, clad in full tactical kit, armed with Heckler and Koch suppressed MP5s, Glock 17s, and Tactical Tanto. Each man’s eyes are narrowed, teeth bared, and extreme determination with barely concealed rage on every face. The lead team member kicks in the door, gaining entrance to Troglodytam’s lair; the infamous, “Mother’s Basement” has been breached. As the door swings open, slamming against the wall, recognition is seen in Troglodytam’s eyes as Team #2 crosses the threshold and comes into focus. He sits behind his computer screen, terrified and trembling, mouth agape, and as tears of terror begin to stream down his face, he soils himself. The Reckoning has come!
Phew! Oh, the satisfaction at that moment! Okay, I’m trying to settle back down now. You have to admit, it would be exciting to finally lay hands on him! Please understand, I am not suggesting any harm be done to Troglodytam, (well, okay, maybe a little). Just bear in mind that the mere threat of bodily injury may suffice to curb his bad manners.
Once captured, Troglodytam would be subjected to a comprehensive and intense curriculum at our sanctioned charm school/boot camp. The following topics would be covered:
Speaking with, and of others
How to respect others
Developing the ability to hear someone else
Preparation for getting a real job
Moving out of Mother’s Basement
And, wait for it…
How to behave on social media sites
I can see Team #2’s muscle bound school masters providing Troglodytam’s much need education, and I can’t help but chuckle. It is time for him to make recompense for the suffering he has unleashed upon others. The benefits to him will prove to be invaluable, and will greatly augment his chances of survival with the teeth he was born with.
In closing, I think about Troglodytam even now lying in wait, ready to attack the unsuspecting. I doubt though that he would be so free in his rants and ugliness if he were looking his recipients in the eye. After all, as many before him have discovered, there is a direct correlation between the reduction in proximity to the decrease in mouthiness. This spatial decrease also raises the potential for immediate execution of corrective action should mouthiness resume. And as further evidence has proven, as cowardice rises, the likelihood of this occurring decreases exponentially. Furthermore, though ignorant and foolish, Troglodytam is not stupid. He is well aware that the likelihood of serious dental insurance claims rises rapidly should a variable be off ever so slightly in this equation.
So, 3,155 words later a proverb comes to mind, “If you don’t have something good to say, then it is better not to say anything at all.” This of course translates to, “I think sometimes it is better and wiser to just keep the ole pie hole shut.” Hmmm, I wonder if that applies to me…
C. Klingle
[i] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/troll#:~:text=used%20in%20trolling-,2,who%20intentionally%20disrupts%20online%20communities.
Curtis Klingle 
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