Curtis Klingle

I was recently asked to perform a eulogy, and the topic that I would speak on came to mind instantly, that topic being forgiveness. It seems that is a lesson that we all need to hear over and over again.

My sense of justice seems to be as overinflated as is my pride, and I have utter disdain for both. These two abhorrent attributes are always aflame when unforgiveness is detected. There have been times in my life when I have struggled with forgiving another, but they were usually very short lived. I thank God that He has given me sufficient grace, not to mention the constraining need to quickly forgive. However, I do recall one afront in the form of betrayal from a dear friend, that quite literally haunted my thoughts. I harbored ill will towards this person for over two years. Lord forgive me for the evil I actually wished upon this person! It was unequivocally one of the worst experiences of my life! But I’m not referring to the wrong, the betrayal mind you, but the unforgiveness in my heart. It is a flame easily fueled and like any fire, the more you feed it, the more it burns and destroys. It is a conflagration that torments the soul. It was a long time ago but the memory is fresh, and I am grateful that it is still so clear. The weight of those two years was unbearable, and rightly so, but the moment I chose to forgive and release any desire for my own justice, the weight immediately fell off. I was free! This lesson taught me to forgive and to do so quickly.    

When asked by His disciples how to pray, Jesus provided them with a format to follow and it is recorded for us in the book of Matthew 6:9-13.  

“Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power, and the glory forever and ever. Amen.”

What I want to emphasize is that right in the middle of this model prayer, Jesus injected this verbiage about forgiveness. Some translations use the words debts and debtors while others use the words trespass and trespasses, but both are synonymous with saying our sins and those who have sinned against us. The fact the Jesus included forgiveness dead center in His example of how to pray, should cause us to pause and take note of the importance He placed on forgiveness. Forgiveness should be elevated in our relationships to just under the pinnacle, which is our love for one another. In fact, you cannot love someone and harbor unforgiveness; unforgiveness effectively cancels out love.

If you look at what Jesus said in the model prayer, He is assuming that we will forgive just as God forgives us. In fact, he follows up His model prayer with the emphatic declaration, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14- 15) That’s powerful stuff! In other words, you may as well not even offer prayers if you are harboring unforgiveness in your heart because God isn’t listening. Unforgiveness drives a wedge between us and God. I cringe to think of God turning His head from me when I pray, but that is what’s happening when I refuse to forgive! Let that sink in for a moment. He who sees all, hears all, and knows all, including your current situation, will not hear you.   

Jesus goes on later with the parable of the unforgiving servant found in Matthew 18:23-35.

“For this reason, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves. And when he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.But since he did not have the means to repay, his master commanded that he be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment be made. So, the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’And the master of that slave felt compassion, and he released him and forgave him the debt.But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe!’So, his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’But he was unwilling, and went and threw him in prison until he would pay back what was owed. So, when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their master all that had happened.Then summoning him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’And his master, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he would repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”

The value in modern times for 10,000 talents of gold is- 3.8 billion; in silver it would be-161 million. A denarii was what a common laborer made for a day’s wages. The modern equivalent would be 8.00 per hr. and with a 10 hour work day, it would give you a total of 80.00. Following the math, 100 denarii= 8,000 dollars. The wicked servant throttled his fellow servant for a mere, 8,000 dollars while he had been forgiven for a debt of a minimum of 161 million.

I heard an old Derek Prince sermon years ago in which he pointed out that, “God is saying “If you tear up your IOU’s I’ll tear up mine.” He went on to proclaim that, “Forgiveness is nothing more than enlightened self-interest.”

If someone committed a wrong against you it is likely that it has caused untold suffering and loss of happiness. You may even feel that this event has ruined your life. Your peace of mind, maybe your reputation, or even your finances have been taken from you. While this afront did certainly inflict you with deep wounds, causing pain and anguish to flow through those injuries, it was not the wrong that caused it to remain and to become infected, it was the unforgiveness in your heart that enabled it to seep its poison into your soul and continue to affect you. Simply put, you allowed it to inhabit you; you nurtured your want for justice for this wrong to the degree that it become a desire for vengeance. The only way to be free of it is to forgive. The question now is, will you forgive and let it go or will you continue to hold fast to it? Freedom lies down the former path, and down the latter, continued bondage.

Crucifixion is one of the most barbarous forms of capital punishment ever devised by the minds of men, but there is a lesser-known method that was even more diabolical. This death sentence provides an apt analogy of what unforgiveness does in the heart. It was this method that the Apostle Paul had in mind when he exclaimed, “Oh wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” in Romans 7:24.

This form of capital punishment was reserved for murderers. In this method, the murderer would have his victim’s body chained to his own and so affixed that he could not be free of his victim. Now imagine that you are that murderer. Let’s say you weigh in at 190lbs, and your victim is of the same approximate weight. Carrying your victim will tax every muscle and tendon in your body, thus, it will not take long at all for this to become extremely uncomfortable. As you walk through town with your victim strapped to your back, no one will have a thing to do with you because they know your crime. The evidence of your crime is chained to you! Your first phase of punishment is that you are treated as an outcast, a pariah. You will find no empathy or compassion. There will be no one to ease your suffering.

As time passes the decomposition process begins and your victim starts to swell and rot. In modern times, most have never seen a rotting corpse or experienced the stench. I ask that you think of the odor emitted from the dead animal carcass you recently passed on the side of the highway and you will get the idea. An interesting note about putrefaction is that it has a multiplying effect. As microbial activity accelerates, it causes even more disruption in the body.

Your victim’s rotting flesh envelops you in a malodorous cloud. His putrid state precedes you. Like a herald, he harkens all to your coming. Paradoxically, while your own species rejects you, the animal and insect kingdoms seek you out. Every form of scavenger and insect that consumes carrion will be drawn to you. There will be no rest for you. Your days will be spent fending off the animals and insects that come to feed on your victim. There will be no reprieve during the night either, in fact, the activity will likely be worse.

With that decomposing body leaking its fluids all over you, you can’t eat. Even if someone were to have pity on you and try to give you something, you would have no appetite. Also bear in mind that every time you tried to take a drink of water your victim would contaminate the water before it even reached your lips. The stench of your victim would become unbearable and others would give you an even wider birth. You, on the other hand cannot escape your victim. Your days are spent inhaling in those noxious odors, his foulness fills your nose and your lungs.

As the days pass your victim’s ribs and other bones begin to rot through his flesh and they begin leaving small scratches along your sides and back. Eventually, as the exposed bones become more prominent, they start leaving deep gashes. These wounds, in turn become contaminated with the fluids from the rotting corpse chained to you. This filth begins entering your bloodstream and it, along with the myriad of other factors associated with your suffering, eventually kills you.

This is what unforgiveness does in our lives. The one we refuse to forgive is chained to us, and like that dead man, they are completely unaware that they are inseparably bound to us. Interestingly, those we resent and hate usually have no idea we feel that way or if they do, they do not understand the depth of those feelings. Hate, like putrefaction, builds upon itself and it too has a multiplying effect. The more we hate, the more we hate, and the more we hate, until it consumes us. We continue to harbor this unforgiveness in our hearts and like the dead man, it eats away at us, poisoning us, affecting everything we do. Every relationship we have is affected by the unforgiveness in our heart. Resentment, bitterness, anger, and hate, are the fruits of unforgiveness and will repulse anyone that comes near you. Whether we realize it or not, others can sense this putrefaction of the soul just as if we were actually carrying the dead man on our back. Eventually, like that dead man, unforgiveness will kill you.

Jesus placed paramount importance upon forgiveness. In Matthew 18:21-22 Peter asked Jesus if he should forgive his brother up to seven times. Jesus responded that he was to forgive him up to 70 times seven times. To explain, this does not mean when we reach 490 times, we are to stop forgiving. Jesus was inferring that we are to forgive always.

Another example of the importance Christ put on forgiveness can be found in Matthew 5: 23:24,

“Therefore, if you bring your gift to the alter, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift at the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

It is interesting that he said it this way. He didn’t say that when you remember that you have something against your brother, but that your brother has something against you. In other words, Jesus insured that in either variable the responsibility to seek reconciliation falls upon us! Often times we will say to ourselves and others that “they wronged me, so they must ask for my forgiveness.” The root of that is nothing more than arrogant pride. No!  Jesus knew this would be an argument against reconciliation and made it perfectly clear that in either case we are to initiate forgiveness. 

Yes, we have all suffered at the hands of others, but is it worth carrying the filth of unforgiveness around with us? You may even declare that it is worth it to you because the offender’s actions have ruined your life. I can assure you, if you do not forgive them then your unforgiveness will ruin the rest of your life as well. Each of us has sinned far more against others and against our God than anyone has ever sinned against us. Never forget the lesson of the wicked servant. You and I have been forgiven for a far greater debt, while those around us owe us something miniscule in comparison.

I believe some additional clarification is necessary. I tend to use the words forgiveness and reconciliation interchangeably. While the two have different meanings, they are related. To forgive, means to tear up that IOU of a wrong and declare there is no longer a debt owed. When we reconcile, we are renewing our relationship with the offender. This is the ideal, but in some cases, it may not be possible and in others, clearly unwise. For example, if you were a victim of molestation or some other sexual offense, it may not be a good idea to reconcile with the offender. However, to forgive them is not only necessary, it is mandatory. An example where it would be impossible to reconcile with the perpetrator, would be in the case that they were deceased. It is obvious that you will not be able to have a relationship with them, but again, forgiveness is not only necessary, but you must forgive them. I have found that in these instances you can write them a letter. You can pour out all of your emotions from that wrong onto the paper, and you can forgive them with that same pen. You can even do this for the living, though I would caution you about actually delivering such a letter. Freedom is calling you. Open the door and walk through.  

CS Lewis said,

“There is no use in talking as if forgiveness were easy. We all know the old joke, “You’ve given up smoking once; I’ve given it up a dozen times.” In the same way I could say of a certain man, “Have I forgiven him for what he did that day? I’ve forgiven him more times than I can count.”

For we find that the work of forgiveness has to be done over and over again. We forgive, we mortify our resentment; a week later some chain of thought carries us back to the original offence and we discover the old resentment blazing away as if nothing had been done about it at all. We need to forgive our brother seventy times seven not only for 490 offences but for one offence.”

The abundant life that Jesus gave us was not just for the afterlife, it was meant to be lived in the here and now. Each of us can have it, and the path is through forgiveness and love. Remember, those are two sides to the same coin. They are inseparable.

C. Klingle