Curtis Klingle

An Awakening

It has taken a lifetime to fully understand that we are never really fighting against people; we are in a never-ending battle with the principalities and powers that rule this fallen world. They are behind the scenes manipulating and using us in such a way as to drive a wedge between us all. A house divided cannot stand. Never underestimate the enemy. He has come to steal, kill, and destroy, and he will use whatever means necessary to accomplish this task. He gives no mercy, no quarter, he is out to destroy you. He is aware of every weakness and all those old scars and wounds. He knows exactly which ones that at the slightest touch, will begin flowing again. He knows every button that needs to be pushed and in the proper sequence to illicit a response straight from the pits of hell. No, he can’t read our minds, but let us not forget that in human communication the majority of what we say is in the realm of the non-verbal. It is our body language and tones that convey the meaning, well, what we really mean. The enemy has made a case study of each of us, and he knows us better than we know ourselves.

If we can grasp this, we can enter the battle as a warrior, rather than as a casualty even before the conflict begins. If we can accept the wounds that others have sustained in combat, we will be able to not just understand the person, but have the ability to truly empathize with them. This takes work, and a lot of it. Every single human being on the planet is broken in some way or another. When we see someone who “has it all together”, it is likely that they are as broken or more so than we are. That is why we are warned not to judge. We have no idea what that person struggles with or the severity of the wounds and scars that they carry.

God has made us to be relational beings. “Let us make man in our image.” We are meant to live in fellowship and community, and no one can live as a single organism. One can exist separated from the rest of humanity, but that person is not really living. We are designed to be symbiotic and the enemy is well aware of this fact. If He can separate us from each other, there is no relationship, no community, and we whither and die.  

It is always in our closest relationships where we fail the most. The ones we are most intimate with are the very ones we are most blind to. The reason we fail, is that we do not see those old wounds, or if we have seen them, we are no longer sensitive to them, possibly have even grown callous to them. We take those we love for granted. The adage, “familiarity breeds contempt” comes to mind. Relationships cost. A meaningful relationship will sometimes cost you more than you think you can bear. I think of Christ on the cross. He gave all in order to have a relationship with us.

If we can only close our mouths and open our ears, we might be able to really see others a little bit like God sees them. It takes time and effort and hearing. God gave us one mouth and a pair of ears. Since he provided us with two of the latter, one would think we would be better at listening.

The break down in every failed relationship began with not listening. Wars can even be attributed to it. When I say listening, it is so much more than that particular word conveys. Hearing is what we each should be doing. When we listen, we hear the sounds made by another person, and from that, we believe we grasp what their various tones, inflections, and body language are trying to convey, while in fact, we are not. As we listen, we may have a dozen things going through our thoughts at the same time. Now, if the person’s message contains anything that causes friction or pain in us as the listener, we will go into a defensive posture. Hearing has ceased. How many times has someone been saying something and right in the middle of their message you have started thinking of your response? Have you ever had someone ask you, “Why don’t you just listen?” If you are thinking of anything other than what they are saying, you are merely listening, you are not hearing. You are allowing their message to be filtered through your own response. Filtered is actually a poor choice of words, we are in fact, tainting their message with our response. “You are not hearing what I am saying.”

To hear someone is so much more. When we hear someone, we hear the tones and the words, and we read, albeit subconsciously, their body language. But we are also turning off our desire to respond. We must immerse ourselves into the message that we are listening to, and actively listen in order that we may hear what they are saying. It takes mindfulness. To hear is to perceive, it is to become cognizant of the person’s message, it is to discern and then recognize what they are saying, not what we think they are saying. How many misunderstandings and arguments could have been avoided if we had only heard what someone was saying.

I can look back on the relationships in my own life and I see failure, mountains of it. Don’t get me wrong, I have many good relationships, and they are healthy and mutually beneficial, but many were not. And the root in all these failures was not hearing. I failed to see the old wounds in another, and didn’t hear what they were saying.

I remember watching an interview with Walter Hooper. He served as C.S. Lewis’ secretary, and is likely the reason Lewis’ works have gained so much popularity. During the interview Hooper said, “He (Lewis) entered so deeply into other peoples’ lives that I wondered, ‘is there any C.S. Lewis left, if he is so spread out into other peoples’ lives.’” Every time I reflect on that quote, I am reminded that I have not yet attained. However, I am getting closer to the ideal, and I am encouraged. Lewis heard people. When you were in his presence, you felt like you were the most important person in his life. When we read about Jesus, we see that He impacted people the same way. He saw the old wounds and He heard people. What is more, He is still doing it today. We can take all of our hurts to Him, and He will hear us.

I find that when I shut out the background noise, practice mindfulness, and listen to someone, I too can hear them, and sometimes I can see their wounds.

C. Klingle